There are a lot of love quizzes and love-type articles out there. This one was particularly interesting though. I keep remembering it even months after I first learned about it.
5 Love languages. Which type are you?
Have you experienced anything like this? Some of the people you know do things for you that you never forget, and that make you feel so good when they do them right away, and some people do things for you — they go to really impressive lengths — but they just don’t have that same effect on you?
A 30-year career marriage counsellor has framed this type of experience as 5 love languages.
Gary Chapman thinks each person has a primary language they receive more strongly than the 4 others. And if a person “speaks” the right language, they can really do something good for their lover or friend.
1. “Words of Affirmation”
This term might be a little confusing. Basically it means words of thanks or of praise, or “Words of Appreciation.” When people thank each other for something they did around the house or something they did good, it counts. For some people, hearing words of appreciation for the things they do really means a lot.
2. “Acts of Service”
Has anyone done something for you and it made your feel warm inside? Or what about someone who continuously does things for you? This is “Acts of Service,” as Chapman sees it.
You can contrast it with “Words of Affirmation” because even if someone says how they feel or that they appreciate something, it might not mean much to another person if that other person’s primary love language is acts-based. But for that person, it would stand to reason, if their lover or friend DID something, even if they said nothing, it would mean something serious to them.
3. “Gifts of Love”
Do you remember when you were a child and someone gave you something you really wanted? When you’re a child, you can’t get things for yourself, and you must rely on your parents or guardians to provide. When you grow up, maybe you can get them yourself, but for some people, having someone give them a gift means a lot, even if it’s something funny like face boxer shorts. For these people, receiving a gift “makes them feel loved most deeply,” according to Chapman. Note that Chapman clarifies that this doesn’t mean EXPENSIVE gifts — it means gifts like “it’s the thought that counts” gifts. Even a card or something homemade, some flowers, something like this.
4. “Quality Time”
QT. People really notice this one when they don’t have a relationship, don’t they? What’s it like getting the undivided, caring and affectionate attention of your lover or friend? It’s pretty nice, right? And for some people, spending this time is the most important way you can communicate to them you care.
Some people are busy, or some might not particularly like fawning over their lover, but this love language means, as Chapman gives an example, “turn off the TV, lay the magazine down, look into your mate’s eyes, and listen and interact.” He suggests, if your lover is this type of person, wait till next time they walk into the room, and stop everything and don’t take your eyes off them as long as you’re in the same room together.
5. Physical Touch
Once a yoga instructor told me that she really noticed the people who needed touching but were lacking it, because when she touched them showing them yoga poses, the way they responded.
People need touch. It’s that simple. From the moment we are born till the moment we die, we need the touch of the people we love and who love us. And some people need this more than any other sign of love.
Chapman gives some examples of how to give this love: put your hand on you mate’s shoulder as you walk, touch their leg when you’re driving, hold hands when you kiss or embrace.